Life is a Play

Life is a play and we are all the actors in the play.  Scenes replay as we need to have them replay in order for us to reach our highest place in life.    When we awaken and continue to awaken to the magnificence of who we are, the universe provides us the opportunity to clear blockages to that magnificence through experiences with our environment and with other people.  When we are aware of these opportunities to grow, then we can begin making new and different choices and create new and different experiences.  Everything that happens in our life is for our highest good.

That concept, at times, is difficult to accept.  I struggled with the longest time that on a spiritual level I asked for the experience in this lifetime to understand depth of suffering and the opposite of depth of healing and awakening.  I got what I asked for from a spiritual perspective.  I was sexually abused by my father, physically and emotionally by my mother and father.  I understood complete, absolute rejection and abandonment.  I experienced a divided self and separation from my soul.  I understood what it meant to truly be a victim in the physical dimension. 

For many years the sexual abuse and physical abuse replayed in my life.  I was raped, sexually abused by a psychotherapist and physically abused by my husband and other men.  That type of relationship with people was all I knew and I believed to be true for me all at the subconscious level.  My subconscious created the replay of the drama until it became conscious and I began to change my awareness and belief.  As I did that I no longer attracted sexual assault or physical assault.  I released a lot of the fear and was able to go out in public without the fear of an assault.  I’ve enjoyed that for many years and still do knowing that I no longer will have those experiences because I have changed my thoughts and my belief.

I’ve been working the past years on issues around emotional abuse, rejection, abandonment, self-value, self-worth and attracting what I want in life.  This has involved a deep change of beliefs and programs created by my early year’s experience.  I tell you they are deep seeded.  I’ve come so far and yet still the play is re-created.  I work in an environment in a new business which I created the operations, processes, procedures and the business is incredibly successful now grown from two of us to about 20 of us in 2 years and growing mightily.  I am great at creating and developing.   I was asked to create the operational part of the business by the person who was aware of my skill set. 

I love creating and developing new businesses, new projects, etc.  I was excited about the opportunity presented to me.  Soon after beginning and different people became connected to the business I realized my life was being played out here.  For confidentiality reasons, I won’t go into the specifics.  I went home one night and drew a spider and each leg of that spider represented the connection I had to each person and realized they were all there as my teachers – the higher purpose of the business for me.  They each played out a part of my life that needed clearing.    As the areas cleared, so did the people drop out of the picture. 

The biggest challenge of today and it is played out in the business environment primarily, is my fully knowing and accepting and living my own value, my own self-worth, my own acceptance.  It is changing and as I change I see the people and environment around me change.  I see myself playing out my childhood role of rejection and silence and wanting to be loved.   Acceptance, love, approval, value, worth all needs to come from within me and I know that once I am fully standing in my truth, the scene of the play will end and the final scene begins.  I am ever so close to that point.  It is something I cannot force and yet something I can choose with intention to evolve.  There is a purpose that it takes time and it is to ensure that there is clearing completely so my light can shine forth. 

What I share here is true for all of us.  Look inside and see the play of your life.  What choices have you made that you bring to this life and how is the play evolving for you.  I would really like to know and hear your stories.  In the meantime, blessings to all.

Welcome 2012!

Happy New Year!

The first day, the new beginning, the clean slate is here.  I write all that I want for me.  Last night I released the barriers that kept me from standing fully in my truth.  I wrote them out beginning with “I release….”  There was a lot to release as a lot was cleared in 2011.  Then, I wrote affirmations and beliefs for 2012.  I verbally read my release list and then burned the list – ashes to ashes.  I took a deep cleansing breath.

Following the release, I lit a candle and I read through my affirmations that I embrace for today and the coming year.  As I read them I experienced joy and satisfaction.  It was a great feeling.  I welcomed in 2012 and slept really great with peace.  I woke up this morning with some old thoughts slipping in and thought what happened to last night!!!!  I released the old and embraced the new and that should be that!!!  Well, is it? 

Changing patterns, takes time.  I made the choice to embrace the new and now I allow for the transformation to take place.  I am unable to “make it happen”.  Through my positive choices, the transformation evolves in the right way, in the right timing creating within me a strong foundation.  So, no magic wand!!!!!!

Today, I choose to stand fully in my truth living an empowered life grateful for all that I have and all that is coming my way.  I am excited about the opportunities I have to grow within, in my career, and on my journey. 

I welcome 2012 and look forward to its gifts!

2011 Reflections

It is New Year’s Eve, 2011.  It is a day of reflection for me as I review the past year and prepare for the glory of 2012.  The year 2011 has been a year of awakening, transforming and healing from the effects of sexual abuse.   I’ve moved from victim to victor, from silence to speaking, from low self-worth to self-worth, from living in an illusion to living in reality.  I’ve moved from fear to faith and trust, from darkness to light, from pain to joy.  It is impossible for me to capture the experience of 2011 and I am grateful for the opportunities that were presented to me to open areas within that needed healing.  Those opportunities came in the form of teachers who had a role in the play of my life to bring out the dark places so light can shine.   What was intended to hurt me, truly was indeed a gift to open to my true self.  I thank those people in my life because on a deep spiritual level, they showed me love. 

As I end 2011, I release the barriers to living fully in my truth.  As I enter into 2012 I open to living more abundantly in the areas of transformation and open to further clearing.  I am excited about new opportunities for creation and career and publishing a book this year.  This year is a year of promise and open doors.

Happy New Year!  Blessings to all!

Abraham~ You are the creator of your own reality

I wrote the other night about creating my reality.  Today I found this video by Esther Hicks about creating our reality.  Wanted to share it tonight because I believe it is an important message.

Born Anew

I’ve had an amazing transformative experience last night.  Well – this entire process has been transformative.  I’ve been working through resisting love.  I know who resists love?  Well, that would be me.  I push love away.  The closer one becomes, the harder I push.  I want love, yet I push it away.  Hmmm.  What’s up with that!!! 

Through process last night with God I came to understand that I fear having what I want because then it makes it real.  Odd – Right?  It is unless you look at it from the shadow side of being sexually, physically and emotionally abused.  It makes perfect sense.

Reality for all of my childhood and a good part of my adulthood sucked.  After going through horrendous physical, sexual and emotional abuse I married a man who physically abused me – oh and I did knowing he would abuse me.  I’ve been raped.  I was sexually abused by a psychotherapist (a new therapy!!!)  So, that is just part of what reality was for my life. 

Rather than live in reality I lived in a dream world or a spirit world.  This was a world of perfection, joy, love, sincerity – all that I wanted in the real life.  If anything came close to making those dreams real, I sabotaged them or pushed them back.  I had a belief that reality sucked so nothing in my perfect spirit world could ever be part of reality because then the spirit/dream world would suck.  I know this sounds rather bazaar but awareness of this truth has changed me overnight!

It is all so clear to me – how could I have missed it?  The fears I live with – fear of both sides of the same issue.  Fear of love, fear of not being loved; fear of success-fear of failure.  I felt in this catch 22 with myself never moving anywhere.   I create – I write books, I develop seminars and workshops, products among other things.  I am visionary.  The hardest thing for me is to take the vision and make it walk.  Now I understand that is because of the double bind of my fears.  Far better the joy of spirit – the dream because the old belief was “reality sucks”. 

So I now understand I can create a brand new reality.  The reality sucks belief belongs in the past.  So I woke up today feeling born again – born anew – born afresh excited about the day – excited about creating my life.  My challenge right now is patience because I want it all NOW!! 

I create a new life which I find joy, peace, fulfillment and completeness.  On the eve of Thanksgiving, I am in deep gratitude for this new awakening in the being of me.  I feel like my whole body is smiling and there is a child-like joy and enthusiasm. 

Have a great Thanksgiving and feel free to share your thoughts with me or what you are grateful for tonight.  Of course this is not Thanksgiving for some of you.  Feel free to share your gratitude. 

Blessings and light to all.

Be a light unto the world, and hurt it not. Seek to build not destroy. Bring My people home. Neale Donald Walsch

This is so important to me because it is the desire of my heart and a message I want to give.  I saw this quote by Neale Donald Walsch and felt it said succinctly my thoughts.

Be a light unto the world, and hurt it not. Seek to build not destroy. Bring My people home.
How?

By your shining example. Seek only Godliness. Speak only in truthfulness. Act only in love. 
Live the Law of Love now and forever more. Give everything require nothing.
Avoid the mundane.
Do not accept the unacceptable.
Teach all who seek to learn of Me.
Make every moment of your life an outpouring of love.
Use every moment to think the highest thought, say the highest word, do the highest deed. In this, glorify your Holy Self, and thus too, glorify Me.
Bring peace to the Earth by bringing peace to all those whose lives you touch. Be peace. Feel and express in every moment your Divine Connection with the All, and with every person, place, and thing.
Embrace every circumstance, own every fault, share every joy, contemplate every mystery, walk in every man’s shoes, forgive every offense (including your own), heal every heart, honor every person’s truth, adore every person’s God, protect every person’s rights, preserve every person’s dignity, promote every person’s interests, provide every person’s needs, presume every person’s holiness, present every person’s greatest gifts, produce every person’s blessing, pronounce every person’s future secure in the assured love of God.
Be a living, breathing example of the Highest Truth that resides within you. Speak humbly of yourself, lest someone mistake your Highest Truth for boast. Speak softly, lest someone think you are merely calling for attention. Speak gently, that all might know of Love. Speak openly, lest someone think you have something to hide. Speak candidly, so you cannot be mistaken. Speak often, so that your word may truly go forth. Speak respectfully, that no one be dishonored. Speak lovingly, that every syllable may heal. Speak of Me with every utterance. Make of your life a gift. Remember always, you are the gift!
Be a gift to everyone who enters your life, and to everyone whose life you enter. Be careful not to enter another’s life if you cannot be a gift. (You can always be a gift, because you always are the gift—yet sometimes you don’t let yourself know that.) When someone enters your life unexpectedly, look for the gift that person has come to receive from you…I HAVE SENT YOU NOTHING BUT ANGELS.”

― Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations With God : An Uncommon Dialogue

Lessons from Life and a Whispering Soul

“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

I struggle with hitting rock bottom and experiencing the depths of despair.  Facing the ruins of my life is often time very difficult, very painful.  Yet it is the places of those ruins – facing the truth of myself – that the greatest work is done for me. 

At the ruins it is there I recognize the illusions I live and choose to remove them and face the reality of who I am.  I recognize the choices I need to make to live the life I chose to live in this lifetime.  It is here where my soul sings out and its light shines and I experience my magnificence.

Then there is the external world which I operate in with authority figures (bosses), rules, traditions, etc. which I’ve struggled so hard against.   Struggling isn’t living.   My intention is peace within.  The external provides me the opportunities to stay connected to center – to my soul.  It provides me many ways to see deep within to areas that block the flow of life in me. 

I had this situation happen at work about two weeks ago.  My boss came to me about a change he would make.  I didn’t like it and felt it was another expression of how he devalues me.  He heard me and decided to change his course of action.  I stood up for myself and my value and that was good.  Ever since then I’ve had this experience of feeling guilty about not complying with his request.  The issue came up with in a discussion with a friend who was trying to make the issue different from what I experienced.   We discussed the subject quite energetically and I felt the anger rising up in me and what I was feeling below that was this guilt that I did not comply and fear that because I did not comply I created a division between him and me and he would not accept me.  Keep in mind that he has not said a word to me.  These are my own feelings – my should – my programs coming to play. 

What I came to understand that it was important for me to take a stand for me as I rarely do it and be at peace with the stand because I am worth it and it was right for me.  What was going through my mind was “selfish, self-centered, I create issues, I am the problem, I should be ashamed of myself” and so on and so forth.  That needs disconnecting and clearing for me.   For me, acceptance came through my being compliant.  Had I chosen compliant, I would then be choosing victimhood in my mind in this situation.  My friend’s perspective was that acceptance came when I stood up for myself.  He is right and yet because of my programs, I saw it differently. 

As I open in my journey I see so many ways of thinking and feeling and seeing the world that are inaccurate and different from how people look at the world.  It is as if I live in my own world.  So I am learning new ways of perceiving the world and interactions.  I tell you it isn’t always easy.  In this case I learned that it is important to teach people how to treat me and it is up to me to do that with them.  There are times to comply and there are times to stand in truth.  This was one of those times and he learned from this experience that what I experience is important and I learned that standing for me creates acceptance.  Interesting change for me. 

With regards to the words:  Rather than selfish, I take care of myself first and then I am better able to be present for others.  Rather than self-centered I create emotional, physical, spiritual space that serves the best of me in order to be better able to serve humanity.  Rather than shame, I feel gratitude to myself for standing up and stating what I needed.  The shame would be if I didn’t do that.  Rather than insensitive and uncaring, I am treating myself with sensitivity and caring and by doing that I create the energy to live and serve better.  I release everything contrary to those words and I am grateful for the experience to bring me to a deeper awareness of me.  I trust my intuition as it is the whispers of my soul.