Caley Ridge Assisted Living-Elder Abuse - Our Nightmare- The Aftermath

It has been over a year since mother transitioned.  My brother, sister and I have all moved on in our own way.  It hasn’t been easy.

You see, our family is not close knit.   We came from an incredibly dysfunctional home and learned to function in this world in our own way.   We didn’t come together and support one another.  I’m not sure if we could.  Perhaps we just didn’t know how.  Instead, the distance between us seem to have grown.   Working in the deathcare environment (funeral homes and cemeteries), I’ve seen this quite a bit.  It didn’t surprise me a bit.

My sister continued dealing with the aftereffects.  Mother left her as executrix.   The effects of grief wore on her and affected her physically and emotionally.   She misses her mother.  She experiences guilt as she deals with the reality of not taking mother to the doctor’s appointment that day.  Although, my sister was recovering from surgery and in no condition to take on that responsibility that day, it runs through her mind “what if.”  I know there is more for her, but it isn’t my place to tell her story.

My brother copes in his own way.  Hurt because of the family division, he is ready to make changes in his life and move forward.  He misses her, too.   Again, it is not my place to tell his story.

Me, well life goes on.  Mother and I weren’t close.   There was too much damage between us throughout my lifetime.  I loved her nonetheless.   I hated to see her suffer so much.   I hated what she had to endure.  One of my challenges for me personally is that mother and I argued and that was the last interaction with her before the accident.  Her words hurt me and my words hurt her.   I carried my own guilt.   I’ve let it go as I drove to South Carolina for Christmas.   I felt responsible to my brother and sister to fill in the void that mother left for them.   That didn’t work so, I let it go as I realized it wasn’t my void to fill.

Caley Ridge - they continue in their business.  I am sure there are some who find them absolutely wonderful.  Mother loved it there.  She had made good friends.  Caley Ridge didn’t respond in love.  They didn’t provide her safety or protection.  That probably, was the greatest pain my mother bore emotionally - the pain of betrayal.  They didn’t see the effects of their neglect.  They didn’t hear her screams as she writhed in pain.  Like any abuser, they closed their ears and their eyes careful to only protect themselves.

Caley Ridge’s decision actions and subsequent decisions had a devastating effect on the life of mother, the lives of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. 

I really would like to hear from you regarding your experiences or the experiences of your loved one regarding neglect or abuse.  I would like to hear from you about how you coped with the death of a loved one whether tragically or naturally. 

 

Caley Ridge Assisted Living-Elder Abuse-Our Nightmare - The Transition

“Mary, we didn’t get the rehab place after all even though they have a place for mother,” cried my sister.

“What happened?” I asked.

“The social worker at Sky Ridge told them I was difficult to deal with and that they would be better off refusing her a bed,” my sister said through sobs.  She had done so much and fought so hard.

“They are releasing her to a nursing home.  I haven’t told mom yet.  That is the last thing she wanted,” she said.  “I just wanted to give her excellent care.”

Many, many times my mother begged the 3 of us to please not send her to a nursing home.  She was terrified she would die there.  We all knew that and yet felt powerless to do anything about it.   My brother and I lived in other states.  My sister recently had gone through her own surgery could not physically care for her.

My sister advocated endlessly for my mother.  She did an amazing job.  The professionals at the hospital resented her advocacy.  They thought she was “bitchy”.  If she were (and she wasn’t), it was out of love for our mother.  She advocated for her with doctors, hospitals, agencies, and Caley Ridge.  It seems that when you are dying and you are old, people just don’t want to respond. 

Mother began experiencing pain her neck and head and stated that the night aide beat her around her head and she hurt.  The nursing home, of course, denied the allegations.  If you look at their web site you will see this is a common occurrence at this nursing home.  Usually the allegations are not substantiated because the patient was “confused.”

This same nursing home would crush her sustained release medication for her epilepsy.   My sister once again advocated for mother.  The response, which I find, deplorable, was for the doctor to pull her inside mother’s room and tell her that she is being a “bitch” to the nurses and to back off.   She was horrified and exhausted.  She had done so much as she is the one who lived in Colorado near mother.

At that point my sister began the process of moving mother to her home.  She began making arrangements for beds, assistance, etc.  It seemed to be the answer for mother.

 

On Thursday, February 22, 2007, 37 days after her accident I received a call from my sister.  “Mother just died.” 

 

I gulped as she said the words and kept driving.  “Was it peaceful, I asked?” 

“Yes.  She was very tired of fighting and she just died,” my sister cried.

My mother died as a result of injuries sustained by gross neglect of a van driver and the decisions of management at Caley Ridge Assisted Living. 

Mother transitioned.  As is often the case for those transitioning through tragic circumstances, it wasn’t the end for us.  

 

If you have witnessed elder abuse or had a family member suffer through it, please comment.  Your comments may really help other people.  It is through sharing that we can make a difference.