Surrendering the Ego is Unification with the Soul – Healing from the Effects of Sexual Abuse

“Consider your own life-how many times a day does some situation pop up that leads to moments of frustration and anxiety? Surrendering your head to your heart in those moments will lead you to balance and fulfillment. As you listen to your spirit, peace follows. So follow your spirit. Build your foundation in your heart. Love must be your innermost and spontaneous response towards every person you encounter. Say to yourself inside, “I just love.” Use these words as a key to start the engine running in your heart and watch life brighten with new love and understanding. Surrender to your new awareness and let love unfold the purpose of creation to you.” -Sara Paddison.

Often times the transformative process requires surrender.  Yet, surrender is often times one of the biggest challenges in the process as it is a battle between the head (ego, programs, beliefs, entitlements) and the heart (truth, love, light, joy).    When I look at the difference between the head and the heart, I wonder what is the challenge!!!  The challenge is fear.  Fear of loss of control, fear of hurt, fear of loss.  Those fears are exacerbated when there has been any trauma related to surrender.   For example, I was sexually abused by my father and physically and emotionally abused by both parents.  I was forced to surrender to survive.   So, surrender to me means loss of control, fear of hurt, fear of loss.   My belief system that was created by the abuse was that surrender meant hurt and pain and being victimized.  I have become conscious of how often I resist because of my fears.  I explored surrender with God during process.  Following is an excerpt of our conversation:

God:  Faith and trust Mary.  Patience.  Open and allow releasing all control. 

Me:  I am.  I am action oriented so it is hard to just be with all this especially since I don’t understand why or how or anything else.  Let it be, let it be, let be, just let it be.  Whispering words of wisdom.  There will be an answer, let it be. Let it be.  Okay God.  Let it be.  I release it trusting.

God:  Faith and trust is hard when you are dying and you are dying in a way.  You are dying to the old and embracing the new.  You look for ways to avoid it,

Me:  That is why the Gethsemane song came to mind today.  They are my words for.  “I was once inspired and now I am sad and I am tired.”  We all have our Gethsemane experience and it seems  keep coming to this place.  “Why should I die?”  Jesus wanted to know and I want to know and that is where the answer is let it be, let it be.  I’ve asked why so often?  I get so often faith and trust.  I fight for answers and knowing and none comes to me.

God:  Faith and trust.  Surrendering the will.  Surrendering control.  Surrendering the need to know.  That is the Gethsemane experience. 

Me:  Surrender.  Surrender.  Surrender is hard for me.  That is such an important of my journey and my life is surrender and what is important for so many people to come and understand.  Surrender.  To surrender is to yield to stop resisting.  Yield.  I fight so hard because I’ve lost so much because surrender and yielding have had so many disastrous results in my life.  Surrender.  Yield.  Surrender can be peace.  Surrender is giving up my rights to do my life the way I want.  Surrender is giving up what I believe I want for a higher purpose whatever that higher purpose is.  It may be what I want but surrender is letting go of the control and outcomes.  Yielding to you, my higher power, my source, my life.  Let it be.  Surrender.  God, I surrender.  I yield.  I lay down my life, my head, my rights, my desires, my wants, my control.  Lay it down and set them free.  I know there is a greater purpose than the one I am controlling to have.  What I create for me right now does not compare to what is mine to have.  Lay it down set it free.  Surrender.  Let it be.  All songs – all beautiful.  All of which have spoken to me the past couple of days.  One with the world.  Peace.  Love.  I am capable of loving.  That is good.  Surrender.  I surrender love to you as well.  Setting it free from the control and condemnation of the head.  I surrender my head and ask for purification.  I ask for new thoughts in my head so it too is one with my heart.

God:  Surrender is so beautiful.  The ego separates you from peace.  The ego demands its rights.  The ego separates you from your heart.  Surrendering the ego is unification with the soul.

Me:  Wow.  How beautiful.

God:  It is what you wrote in your blog.  Transformation. Surrender.   Love and peace and acceptance comes through surrendering the will, the personal rights of entitlement. 

Me:  I don’t know how to stay in a state of surrender God.  I am now.  I feel it.  I am experiencing it and yet I know tomorrow is another day.

God:  Is it your intention to stay in a state of surrender?  Is that the desire of your heart and soul.

Me:  It is.  150% right now in process.  Surrender.  Setting myself free.  Letting go.  Being in a state of peace and love and acceptance.  Easy to do at this moment in process with you.  Tomorrow comes.

God:  Set your intentions and live your intentions.  Let go of the why.  Have faith and trust.  Be patient.  Love and accept all of you. 

I have the intention of surrender and everyday and sometimes every moment, I find I have to make a conscious choice of surrender.  There are times the battle wages inside my head with the old tapes playing of fear.  I surrender to my heart.  I choose to live in my heart where love reigns for myself and for others.  I am in gratitude for the opportunity to transform the old belief of surrender into the new understanding of yielding – gentle yielding.

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