Life is a play and we are all the actors in the play. Scenes replay as we need to have them replay in order for us to reach our highest place in life. When we awaken and continue to awaken to the magnificence of who we are, the universe provides us the opportunity to clear blockages to that magnificence through experiences with our environment and with other people. When we are aware of these opportunities to grow, then we can begin making new and different choices and create new and different experiences. Everything that happens in our life is for our highest good.
That concept, at times, is difficult to accept. I struggled with the longest time that on a spiritual level I asked for the experience in this lifetime to understand depth of suffering and the opposite of depth of healing and awakening. I got what I asked for from a spiritual perspective. I was sexually abused by my father, physically and emotionally by my mother and father. I understood complete, absolute rejection and abandonment. I experienced a divided self and separation from my soul. I understood what it meant to truly be a victim in the physical dimension.
For many years the sexual abuse and physical abuse replayed in my life. I was raped, sexually abused by a psychotherapist and physically abused by my husband and other men. That type of relationship with people was all I knew and I believed to be true for me all at the subconscious level. My subconscious created the replay of the drama until it became conscious and I began to change my awareness and belief. As I did that I no longer attracted sexual assault or physical assault. I released a lot of the fear and was able to go out in public without the fear of an assault. I’ve enjoyed that for many years and still do knowing that I no longer will have those experiences because I have changed my thoughts and my belief.
I’ve been working the past years on issues around emotional abuse, rejection, abandonment, self-value, self-worth and attracting what I want in life. This has involved a deep change of beliefs and programs created by my early year’s experience. I tell you they are deep seeded. I’ve come so far and yet still the play is re-created. I work in an environment in a new business which I created the operations, processes, procedures and the business is incredibly successful now grown from two of us to about 20 of us in 2 years and growing mightily. I am great at creating and developing. I was asked to create the operational part of the business by the person who was aware of my skill set.
I love creating and developing new businesses, new projects, etc. I was excited about the opportunity presented to me. Soon after beginning and different people became connected to the business I realized my life was being played out here. For confidentiality reasons, I won’t go into the specifics. I went home one night and drew a spider and each leg of that spider represented the connection I had to each person and realized they were all there as my teachers – the higher purpose of the business for me. They each played out a part of my life that needed clearing. As the areas cleared, so did the people drop out of the picture.
The biggest challenge of today and it is played out in the business environment primarily, is my fully knowing and accepting and living my own value, my own self-worth, my own acceptance. It is changing and as I change I see the people and environment around me change. I see myself playing out my childhood role of rejection and silence and wanting to be loved. Acceptance, love, approval, value, worth all needs to come from within me and I know that once I am fully standing in my truth, the scene of the play will end and the final scene begins. I am ever so close to that point. It is something I cannot force and yet something I can choose with intention to evolve. There is a purpose that it takes time and it is to ensure that there is clearing completely so my light can shine forth.
What I share here is true for all of us. Look inside and see the play of your life. What choices have you made that you bring to this life and how is the play evolving for you. I would really like to know and hear your stories. In the meantime, blessings to all.