Day 21,915 Standing in my Truth

Today is my 21,915th day of being alive on this earth.  I’ve lived 59 years, 364 days ending my 5th decade.

364 days ago, my mother was deep into 48 hours of labor – both of us resisting my birth.

21,915 days later I fine life is good and wonder how could I ever resisted.

How am I spending my last day of this decade – this 21,915th day of my life?  I am looking for employment.  I had lunch with my Spiritual Partner which, as always, was a remarkable experience.  Later I will spend the evening with my daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren.  What a great way to spend the last evening of this decade.

It feels like an ending of sorts and yet it carries no sadness, but joy.  As I end this decade I stand in the fullness and truth of who I am.  59 years, 364 days fulfilling my mission on this earth experiencing the depth of brokenness along with shame and heartache and then experiencing the depth of healing and acceptance to bring me to this precipice the last day of the 5th decade as I enter with grace into the 6th decade of my life – the 21, 916th day of my incarnation in this life.  I have this image of myself at the top of the mountain with my arms wide open and the gentle breeze blowing my hair as I embrace yet another decade.

arms wide open

At age 21,915 I certainly don’t look that way but oh do I feel that way.  Age is only an external number and doesn’t define who we are.  It defines the length of our lives.  The date doesn’t define who we are – our truth.  Just a length of time.  Time to be broken, time to heal, time to live.

Have my days counted for much?  The answer is yes.  I may be unemployed today.  My body may feel like it has lived 21,915 days and may even look that way.  But I know my life has counted for something.

I’ve lived without television and when telephones were party lines and that meant two or more people shared the line.  I’ve lived when it was safer playing outside than it was being inside my home.  I’ve lived when in school we had bomb drills and prepared for the what ifs of life.  I’ve lived when it was safe to walk to school (mile after mile  J ) and when parents knew their children were safe at school.  I’ve lived in the Philippines the first few years of my life and then grew up in California.  I lived through the 60’s burning my bra, taking drugs, dating musicians, and saying peace.  I wore mini-skirts because I could and short shorts. I protested the Viet Nam war and had to let my brother go to that war to return a different man than the boy who left.  I’ve been beaten, raped, abused by those who were to keep me safe.  I’ve married and given birth and divorced and been homeless.  I’ve pulled myself up by going to college and working the rest of my life.  I raised my daughter alone and she is a great mom herself.  I became a grandmother to three beautiful grandsons.   Through living daily life I continued to heal.  Everything that looked like an obstacle was a miracle in process.  It pushed me into healing so I wasn’t left with just living another day of life.  I’ve learned that the harm people intended for me, I was able to use for my good.  Where I was treated with hate, I learned love, from rejection I learned acceptance, from anger I learned peace.  What happened to me didn’t define me because my soul – that sacred place within yearned and pushed through to stand in my truth.

The past few months have been a rough ride.  It is like a karmic flush and my higher self is saying be done – be done.  So as I live the last few hours of this decade of my life, I am pleased to have let the ending to the story be done so now I can fulfill the final part of my journey – helping to heal the world.

This entry was posted in Emotional Abuse, Job Loss, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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