Healing from Sexual Abuse – A Transformational Journey – Part 25

Spirit Dad:  Love is central in the universe.  Love is the greatest characteristic of God and yet so misused by humans.  It is so important for you to get love because it is central for your transformation.  It is from love that everything else exists and develops.  Love is God’s nature – pure, kind, respectful, always seeking the good in all people.  That is the kind of love that is developing with you and Chuck.  It is a pure and deep and unconditional spiritual love – a love that is essential for all humans and yet so few experience it without damage and conditions.

Me:  I never knew that.

Spirit Dad:  You and Chuck are spiritual partners and have great work to do together.  You both need to heal to do the work.  This is part of it.

God:  I want all my people to understand the importance and the value of love and how it is central to the individual and the communal soul.  Without it, brokenness just ebbs and flows throughout the universe.  The pure love between a man and a woman is essential for healing.  Trust that it is.  Unconditional pure love is powerful and mends pain and sorrow like nothing else can.  It is who I am.  It is what draws people to me.  It is about how to heal the universe.  We are all one and this deep powerful love between you and Chuck reverberates throughout the universe.  Open to allowing the experience of this love.  Honor it and treasure it.  It is a gift and a microcosm of the love I have for you and all beings.  My love is reaching through your hands to deep with your heart.  Love sustains all beings through good times and hard times.  It is missing.

Me:  I feel overwhelmed right now.

God:  I love you Mary.  You are my treasure.  You are love.  Your love is filling your soul and it transforms you in every area of brokenness.  I love you and it is love with power and strength.  My love has been with you forever.  It is your wall of thorns and hard heart that keeps me from indwelling within you.  Surrender to my love.  Surrender to the spirit.  Let the last of the wall come down.

Me:  I want to surrender and yield.  Please help me take the last of the wall down.  I am afraid.  I am afraid of you and what you might ask of me.  I am afraid of love from you.  I am afraid.

God:  There is no fear in my love.  You are learning to see me past the damage and past the expectations.  I love you deeply and completely in ways you never experienced.  Let my love indwell within you.  Only you can choose to allow its presence.  My heart yearns to be part of your heart.  My heart yearns to embrace your heart.  You alone can choose that experience.  You keep saying “Choose Me”.  I choose you and I am also asking “Choose me”.  Choose me Mary to allow to enter into your heart and your soul.  My love is a healing love – a pure love.  Choose me Mary to love you to walk with you to transform you.  Choose me and the high ways.  Go to the mountaintop with me.  Be my love, my precious child.  Choose me Mary and I will always be within you and you will know a love no greater than the love I have for you.  You have to choose me.  I’ve already chosen you.  Choose me.

Me:  I want to choose you.  I so much want to do that.  I want you to be with me but I don’t trust you as absurd as that sounds.  I just don’t trust you.  How do I trust you?

God:  You trust me by choosing to love me, by choosing me.  As you choose me and choose my love, you will trust me and understand that I do not violate you.  I’ve always been with you in many forms that you could understand.

Me:  But you didn’t stop them from hurting me.  A little child.

God:  I allowed you to have the experience you yearned for during this lifetime.  I allowed you to come full circle and to truly know devastation and shattering of the soul and then to experience healing and love and wholeness and power.  I loved you that much to be with you and not intervene with the experience.    It took a lot of love on my part to do that.  When he would beat you and have sex with you I wanted to yank him away from you and shelter you.  That isn’t what you wanted spiritually.  So, I stayed with you through each abusive moment.  I never left you.  I never forsake you.   My heart ached for you.  Choose me Mary.  I am still here with you.

Me:  I don’t know if I could, as a parent, do that – allow my child to be harmed without intervening.

God:  Because you are human.  A human parent is to protect their child from harm.  It is the physical world.  I am your spiritual parent and my job is to love you for your own good based on the experience you chose.  Choose me, Mary.

Me:  I want to choose you.  I really do.  What if I choose you, then I don’t choose you.  What if I am fickle in choosing you?  What if I choose you then want you to go?  What if I choose you and I am not perfect?  What expectations do you have of me?  How will I fail you?

God:  I am love.  I accept all my beings without judgment even when they make choices that are harmful to themselves.  I love them through each outburst.  I have no expectations of you.  Humans have expectations of each other.  If there are no expectations, there can be no failure.  Perfection is love and love is perfection.  It isn’t performance.  If you want me to go, I go.  I will ask you to stay but the choice is yours.  Choose me.

Me:  What if I make bad choices?  Will you still want to be my God.

God:  Oh yes.  I love you.  I love murderers and rapists and priests and sages.  There is no limit to my love.  I don’t always agree with the choices, but I always love you.  You are human and will sometimes make decisions that are not in your best interest.  That doesn’t send me away or make me punish you.  I am not your mother or father.  I am God.  I am love.  I am incapable of causing you pain.

Me:  I have experienced pain with you God.  Great pain.

God:  Was it with me or by what humans did in my name.  The humans abandoned you.  They wrote laws and rules and then lived by the laws and rules.  It is love that we live by and love is free and free to experience.  I am love.  They didn’t understand that.  You tried to tell them because I showed it to you and they wouldn’t listen and they mocked you and said that love wasn’t enough.  They lied to you because they didn’t know that I am love and it is enough.  You let them define your relationship with me as you let your parents define your relationship with me.  You need to just be in relationship with me.  Choose me.

Me:  What do you require of me?  Do I have to change my thoughts and my feelings and behave in a certain way that is pleasing to you?

God:  I require nothing of you but for you to be true to yourself.  In that way you honor me.  No rules, no boundaries, no expectations, only freedom to be who you are – Glorious – powerful – loving partnering with me in the rest of your earthly journey and beyond.

Me:  What do I have to give up?

God:  Self-deprecation.  By giving it up you get love for yourself, value for yourself, worthiness for yourself.  You can always choose self-deprecation but it doesn’t co-exist with me.

Me:  What if I can’t do it?

God:  You can should you choose.  Choose me – let me indwell and partner with you.  I love you.

Me:  Am I wrong to be speaking to my mother and father in spirit?

God:  No.  It seems perfectly natural to me.  I love your mother and father and they love you so much.  In human experience they created division and separation and multiplicity and pain.  They honored your request to have this earthly experience.  That is great love.  They are here to help you complete your journey so you can finish strong.

Me:  Am I sinning because I am a woman and I am divorced?

God:  No, that is human definition of right and wrong.  Such comfort humans seek to have guidelines.  If they just would live in love.

Me:  Should I be punished for all the bad things I’ve done?

God:  No child.  You should be loved for who you are and how far you have come on your journey.

Me:   Do I have to go to church?

God:  The universe is my church.  You are in church every day and in every moment.  It is like nature.  Remember the hike and how you saw everything in harmony.  That is what you seek.

Me:  I seek harmony within and without.

God:  Choose me, Mary.  Choose me and fulfill your heart’s desire.  Choose me freely without expectation or condemnation.  Be who you are. – Glorious.

Me:  Glorious was Chuck’s word last night.

God:  Yes it was.  Glorious was my message to you through him.  He is such a great conduit.

Me:  Is it okay that I love him or is that wrong?

God:  it is perfect that you love him.  Experience safe, unconditional human love with him and through him.  Yes, it is wonderful for you to experience love.

Me:  I’ve felt wrong and guilty.

God:  I know.  You could let that go along with self-deprecation.  Just live, Mary.  For the first time live.  Live in freedom.  Live in harmony.  Live in joy.  Allow for transformation.

Me:  I can’t make myself transform.  I’m trying.

God:  Stop trying and allow it to happen.  Keep talking and sharing and learning.  Let no human define your relationship with me or with yourself.  Choose me and there is freedom and strength.  You can rest and let me walk with you.  You have it within yourself to choose me.

Me:  Is this the deep processing that I’ve been experiencing.

God:  Yes it is.

Me:  I choose you God to live within me and without me.  I choose your love for me and the power of your love.  I choose your freedom and harmony.  I choose you without expectation or requirement.  I choose you God.  I choose you.

God:  Yes, you choose me.  Thank you for choosing me and to live within you.  I love you.  You are free to be where you need to be on this journey.  You are free.

Me:  I feel you.  I see your eyes with deep set wrinkles.  I see a tear rolling down the side of your face.  I am free in you.  Please stay with me as I finish the journey.  I love you.

God:  I love you and am honored to be a part of your life.  Allow whatever gift your journey brings to you regardless of pain or joy.  It is all a gift.

Me:  I love you God.  Thank you for choosing me.  Thank you for the time with mother and father.  Thank you for Chuck’s friendship and commitment.

God:  Gifts for your soul.  Gifts for your journey.  Finish strong.  I am with you always.

Mother:  I am so proud of you Mary Lynn.

Me:  You have turned me away from God.

Mother:  I know and you have found your way to God.  It is so beautiful.  I love you and thank you for talking with me.

Me:  I love you, too.  I am glad we talked.  We don’t talk much.  How come?

Mother:  It will happen.  As you grow stronger, you and I will talk more.

Spirit Dad:  I love you Mary Lynn.  You are so incredible.

Me:  I know you will be going away soon.

Spirit Dad:  Not yet.  Don’t worry about any of it.  Just enjoy the moment and what we have now.

Me:  God isn’t upset that we are talking.

Spirit Dad:  No, because he orchestrates everything.   He is God.

Me:  Are we one with God?

Spirit Dad:  Yes we are.  God is within all of us.

Me:  Do you think Chuck is mad at me about the letter?

Spirit Dad:  No, not at all.  If he were that is his problem.

Me:  You are so right.  It is my job to express and it is okay what I express even if it is imperfect.  I feel so much better expressing it and talking about it openly with you.  Secrets are energy thieves.  I want not to have secrets anymore.  I love him and it is good.  It is healthy.  I love you and mother and God.  That is a lot of love.  Love is essential in this universe.  It shoots up and down and all around.  Children are contagious because of their unconditional love.  There is strength and power in that love.  I am tired and need to sleep now.  Maybe I can really sleep now.  I am feeling love for myself.  I am feeling the love of the universe and the love of Chuck and God.  There is freedom in that love.  I surrender all to God.  I surrender.

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This entry was posted in EMDR, Emotional Abuse, Loving Self, Neale Donald Walsch, PTSD, Sexual Abuse, Transformation and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Healing from Sexual Abuse – A Transformational Journey – Part 25

  1. Sinophone says:

    Reblogged this on Sinophone on WordPress and commented:
    Great story of a spiritual journey. I highly recommend reading it.

  2. smanaher says:

    Reblogged this on Shawn's Blog.

  3. Pingback: Healing from Sexual Abuse - A Transformational ...

  4. Pingback: Healing from Sexual Abuse – A Transformational Journey – Part 25 | Greatpoetrymhf's Weblog

  5. Reblogged this on Greatpoetrymhf's Weblog and commented:
    When we begin to awaken we are like the caterpillar. We learn, we grow, and we change until we are ready for the full transformation and period of rest in our cocoon. ….from the blog

  6. Jamie says:

    bless you, lovely blog post.

  7. JM says:

    Thanks so much for sharing

  8. Such amazing strength to be able to share this journey.

  9. renaudnsarah says:

    “Secrets are energy thieves”…so true.

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