I had to sleep. This is so much pain and terror and sorrow. I don’t understand all this and it doesn’t make sense. I am wanting to think it is not real.
God: It is real Mary. If you can accept it as reality, you can move past it. As long as you don’t accept it you feel safe, you stay where you are at and you don’t move forward. There is nothing to fear in the memory. It is the past. The parts of you still live in it daily which is why you experience some of the fears you don’t understand, why you don’t sleep, why you get different smells. They are all memories – body memories, emotional memories. They are for you to take back from the parts and let them move on so you can have your full life.
Me: No one is going to believe this. I thought all the parts were blended and integrated.
God: Most were. These are sub personalities. Because you didn’t complete the process and compartmentalized what you could not accept or understand, they were left. If you fight this process, you will continue to deal with these issues.
Me: I feel Chuck very away from me. He has been present all weekend here and then he is gone.
God: Yes. He isn’t as available to you spiritually and that is okay.
Me: I am fine with it. Just an observation. This is new to me and wanting to learn more about it.
God: People shift and not as accessible spiritually or emotionally or physically and it is not as easy to access them. There are times you shut down and access to you is very limited.
Me: I know. I shut down from Chuck, too, until I decide I want to share this or not. I know it is important to get out of me, but I’m not sure it is important to share past this experience.
God: You will know what to do. Chuck is safe. If he can’t handle it, that is his problem not your problem. If he doesn’t see the pain and the reality, it is his problem and not your problem.
God: There is more Mary for you to discover. I can tell you but it needs to be you who find the truth.
Me: I can never share this with anyone.
God: That will be your choice.
Mary: I am really angry.